The end of another year

And another year has ended.  Tomorrow is the first day of 2009.

The end of the year is a time when many look back, and I am no real exception.  I can't remember what my goal at the beginning of the year was, but I do know what's happened and what I've done this year.  So, here are the major things that have happened this year.

--I have learnt to play the piano with both hands.  Finally I've started to take advantage of the piano that's been around longer than me, finally I'm using it for something other than melody lines for hymn tunes.  I play it incredibly badly because I have no real sense of time, but I play it much better than this time last year.

--I woke up to the implications of 1 Corinthians 11:1-15, and started covering my head in church.  And most of the time outside church, too.  I have always liked hats, and I only stopped wearing them because no one else wore them, so I am now growing closer to my childhood ideal of a hatted woman with a wicker basket.  And I don't care.

So, inside the house I wear a bandanna, outside I wear a winter hat (because it's winter) or a headband.  Church is normally a winter hat.  I do love scarves, and I would probably wear them if they weren't connected with all sorts of other religions.

--My family left our church—that would be the one that seemed sent from God.  Long story, which I'm not prepared to go into here.  Anyway, we are now pretty churchless: we attend churches where dad plays the organ, and we occasionally visit our friends' church—though we haven't done that for a while now.  I should note that the churches where dad plays are not the best.

--However, all things work together for good.  Since leaving the church we used to attend, I've been finding regular Bible reading easier:  I have to read and find for myself, because the churches dad plays at sure won't do it for me.  And so Bible reading is something that I must cling to, because if that stops, drifting away from God is a very real possibility.   I need to get prayer sorted, too, though.

--I still do not know what I will be doing come next August.  I know what I won't be doing—attending university—but I don't know what I will actually do instead.  I would like to fill my days with a part time job (because I must earn money: a steady and regular amount of money coming in is almost independence) and voluntary work (because I want to be useful.).

However, I didn't tell this to relations at the annual Christmas get together, preferring instead to scandalize them by saying very firmly that I wasn't sure who decreed that as soon as somebody got old enough to do things they should immediately saddle themselves with a huge debt.  I'm not sure how well this went down, because mum chipped in almost immediately afterwards to say that I'd learnt how to run a home.

Well, that statement was like a red rag to several bulls.  The only saving grace was that it wasn't me who was trying to console them with 'well, I know how to run a home'.


Next year, if the Lord wills it, I should have more to report.  Changes.  Change has to come, and it will come.  However, I do feel that this year's been quite productive because I no longer feel directionless and lost.  I know where I want to go.  I just don't know how to get there.  And so it only remains to begin to chase the shadows of what I want in the hope that once the shadow has been caught, the substance will be obtained soon after.

So that's how I'll spend 2009.  Chasing shadows.

But what?

Well, I've now ended my internet break. I ended it two days ago. Yes, I had a good Christmas.

I got given a Waterstones card, so yesterday morning found me in Waterstones. And I bought a couple of books there: Paradise Lost by John Milton (which I have yet to begin) and One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (which I have begun, but have yet to finish).

One thing I should note about these books is that they were both on the list of books I took to Waterstones with me. I didn't actually use the list when in Waterstones, but I do like to write a list of books to jog my memory before hand. Another thing I should note is that the Solzhenitsyn book, being a popular work of fiction, was with the popular works of fiction—and that's a section of the bookstore that I never browse. I only looked because I was wanting a particular book.

I think the books someone buys says something about them. I'm not sure what, but it says something—and it's possible that it says more about what the person hopes to become than about what they already are. If you control someone's reading matter, you essentially control their ideas, because what people read does influence their ideas. That's why I should read the Bible.

I think that I maybe know what my choice of books says about me, too. I want to be well educated—and I think the best way to ensure that I'm well educated is to ensure I read good books. So I'm buying books to that end. However, because I'm not the best at sticking to things—when I do stick at things, I always surprise myself because it's not really my strong point—I have to ensure that I buy a book that will interest me. And the interest has to be over the educate factor. I have tried to read books this year that I've dropped after the first chapter, and I don't like doing that. So the books I buy have to interest me.

I digress now to tell you that I am working at the sticking to things bit. And recently I have been succeeding better than normal. I think the secret is to have a goal that I want to achieve or to know why I'm doing something (and they had better be good reasons, or I won't stick to whatever it is that I'm doing).

And talking of sticking to things reminds me—this would be a second digression—that I need to write thank you letters. I plan to make nice thank you cards, and then write them. I have not yet started either the making or the writing. But people must be thanked. I think I'm giving the impression that it's a nasty chore, and I don't think that's a good impression to give, but I do tend to view it as more a chore than anything else. However, I know people like to receive thank you letters and when I start writing them I probably won't find it too hard. It's just finding matters of general human interest to write that won't upset my friends and relatives. And that is harder than blogging, but I think blogging has improved my thank you letter writing abilities.

We were talking about books, and I made a rather blanket statement that books say something about the person who bought them. They say something about the person's interests, personality, and hopes. In fact, all reading matter does. But what does it say?

And to know that, you need to know the person. You need to know the whole story: where they are now, where they came from, where they want to go. Otherwise it is vain to speculate.


But now I digress again. My sister is asking if I will publish this blog post. I think maybe. But then, maybe not. But why ever not?

So I shall publish this. But say this of it: my sister, not knowing what I wrote about, asked me to publish it. And so I did.

Talking of Christmas. And food.

It's almost Christmas; there's only just over a week to go.  And this will probably be my last blog post until sometime after Christmas—I intend to have an internet break over Christmas and my recent rate of posting does not support the idea that I'll post during the remainder of this week.  Nor does it support the idea that if, by some strange chance, I did post during the remainder of this week, the post would be worth reading.  So this is it until after Christmas, and then I will think about writing meaningful posts and decide to write boring filler posts instead.

Christmas.  Some Christians don't celebrate Christmas, and I have every respect for them and wouldn't want them to begin.  Some Christians do celebrate Christmas, and my family fall into this camp.  So we have a Christmas tree in our lounge—a real tree, not a plastic one.  And, come Christmas, there should be some presents under the tree and some turkey in the fridge awaiting its fate.  Its fate is not very dignified—it will be carved and served up, before its remains will be taken back into the kitchen where members of my family will pick bits of meat off its carcass for the rest of the day—but the turkey will be dead, and therefore it will not care.

Talking of roasts, there's a big piece of beef currently in our fridge.  We have to eat that soon, otherwise not only will it turn green (or something) but there will not be room for a turkey.  And it would be a pity to waste beef.  So we shall cook it on Saturday, which is before its best before date so the beef had better be okay.  We could cook it tomorrow, but I believe we're having cottage pie for dinner and it would be greedy to eat two cooked meals on one day.  That said, however, we probably should have cooked the beef today, but we didn't.  And so, today we had bread and cheese for lunch and bread and cheese for tea. 

I'm not sure that my blog's the place to describe the eating arrangements of my family in great detail, though.  And so, I will move from eating to craft work.  They are related, I tell you.  They are related, for we do craft work at the dining room table.  And, surprise surprise, we also eat meals at the dining room table.

So, today my family had some friends round and did christmas crafts with them.  We made some nice stars which I shan't describe—they did turn out well, but I can't think of how to explain them without sounding like an idiot.  So I may as well tell you that I am an idiot, for I cannot describe the stars we made.  And then I made a snowman christmas card out of scraps of silver card.  I thought it was a nice snowman—I put coloured stars on it for the eyes, nose, mouth, and coat buttons, as well as silver stars for snowflakes—but my sister says that my snowman looks more like a robot.  Make what you like of that information.

Finally, have a happy Christmas.  And I shall blog again, but maybe not until the new year.

Two things for which I am thankful

I know, I know: two things. That's a bit of a poor show...or it would be if I set out with the goal of writing a list of things for which I am thankful. However, I didn't—these two things are just things that yesterday I found myself really thankful for and still am really thankful for. So, here they are.

--Friends. The "wow, how great that you're here" type friend, rather than than the "you're here too? That's...cool" type friend. The "won't it be such fun to talk" type friend, rather than the "I'm bored, and as I sort of know that person, I'll make small talk" type friend. The "oy, you can't stand on the sidelines" type friend as opposed to the "let's pretend she's not there while she pretends I'm not here" type friend.

So, I'm thankful for those which I somehow seem to end up talking to in a chatty way such as most people who are acquainted with me would be surprised to see.

--A heart that sings once more. I have a habit of sort of humming small snatches of tunes to myself when I'm happy. The emphasis here has to be on the 'when I'm happy' bit, because if I'm not happy I will not sing. Well, I will sing, but not of my own free will while I'm doing other things. So I'm thankful that I seem to be humming more these days. I just feel happier than I did this time last year–and while this may indeed just be my imagination, I'm thankful that I feel happier. Don't ask me why I feel happier, because I could not pinpoint anything and I refuse to make any educated guesses.